literature

Hate

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mjeleon's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

I love to hate you.

I love to hate you because then, I don't have to hate myself.

I love to hate you because it means that you are the one who's fucked up.

The one who's a lousy friend.

The one who just flat out sucks.

Because what kind of friend is always busy

And never has time for the people

He claims to care about?

What kind of friend lets text messages pile up, like unopened letters left on the rug?

What kind of friend forces you to beg and plead for a spare second of his time?

Only, maybe that isn't the whole truth.

Maybe…

Maybe I lied.

So maybe I forgot to mention that I'm different from other people.

That I've turned you into my own special brand of heroin to shoot up whenever I have the chance.

That I use you, consume you, devour you so that I'm the only one that matters.

I never meant to hurt anyone.

I promise.

I just…

I just loved myself more!

Is that such a crime?

I just wanted to feel like someone gave a shit!

Like if I leapt off a cliff, someone would care!

Like if I stumbled into the room beaten and bruised, someone would hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right!

Most people just take these things for granted but

I can't.

I'm addicted to the drama.

Does he hate me?

Does he hate me?

Do you hate me?

And if I could step away from myself, it would be different.

A slap to the face would end it, wouldn't it?

Sometimes I want to

Grab me by the neck and shove my head underwater.

Roll down the stairs.

Sit in the cold snow forever.

Because what kind of sick freak is needy to the point of obsession?

What kind of person refuses to care about anyone but herself?

What kind of a friend

Am I?

Only it's more complicated than that.

Because I can see it clear as day

I AM INSANE!

And yet

When you don't chat

Or call

Or text

It's all your fault

All over again.

Because I just can't do it.

I hate myself.

But I can't.

So I'd rather just hate you instead.

I love to hate you because if I didn't hate you

I'd only have me to blame.
Everyone needs to vent every once in a while :)
© 2011 - 2024 mjeleon
Comments1
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userantonella's avatar
awwwwwwwwww I love it :heart: and the part of "its all your fault all over again" is made of awsomeness ^^
Its really deep MJ, and full of heart. But and if you feel that way ever again keep in mind that I care about you, eventhough Im far away. k? :hug: